In The City
by VictoriousLove
Summary: Living in the city can be hard. Beck and Robbie are hiding something. Will the others find out? Jade, Cat, and Tori have a reality show. Will that show ruin everything?  &What hard ships lie ahead? DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VICTORIOUS OR THE CHARACTERS.
1. Chapter 1

_I love you Beck._

_You don't know what love is._

_I do. I love you._

_Just go away Robbie._

_Don't tell me what do to Beck. I know more than you think._

_You can't tell anyone._

_It'll be our little secret, Beck._

Nobody knows. We don't tell. We sneak around and hide. All I want is for people to know. I want to be able to hold him and love him in front of everyone else. I don't care if they don't approve.

**Beck's POV:**

Robbie doesn't understand. He doesn't know why I wont tell anyone; why I want us to be a secret. He thinks I'm embarrassed of him. That isn't true at all. I'm embarrassed of myself. Of who I am. What I have become. I loved Jade. But Jade never made me feel like Robbie does. She loved me. And, I felt terrible for leaving her. But I couldn't continue being unhappy. She doesn't even know why I broke up with her. She deserves a reason. But, I just can't give it to her.

It's been five years since we've spoken last. I can't take back what was never said. I still can't bring myself to tell her. She is with Andre now. We are 21. All of us. Our group of friends are still really close. Everyone knows Robert and I live together. But nobody knows we are dating. Nobody knows we are in love. Nobody knows we are sleeping together; in the same bed. Jade calls every now and then. She has been super busy lately. She is famous. An actress like she has always wanted. She has a reality tv show on now about her life in New York with Cat.

It's Friday. I'm drinking a beer on the couch. Rob is in the shower. The phone is ringing but I couldn't hear it. The sound is drowned out by the alcohol.

"Beck! Get that?" Rob called from the bathroom. Finally I heard it. I got up and picked up the phone.

"Hello? Jade, hi. Yeah, I'm just relaxing. Where? Okay, I'll be there soon." I put on my jacket and grabbed my phone. "I'll be back, babe!" I called to Rob.

"Alright. Take a cab, please!"

"I will."

"Love you!"

"You too." I said, leaving. He was always worried about me drinking. Rob doesn't drink. It's a little annoying when he gets on my case about it. He thinks I'm an alcoholic. I know I don't have a problem. The taxi driver looked tired. I felt his pain. I was tired. Tired of living a lie. Tired of hiding. When the taxi pulled up to the bar I got out and went inside. I noticed Jade had the cameras with her, as always. She wasn't the type to have a reality show. But, she thought she could 'change reality tv for the better'.

"Hey, Beck." She said, as she leaned against the bar. "Good to see you again, finally."

"Seems like it's been forever." I said, hugging her. "How are things?"

"Fine. Lots of work." She laughed, sipping her cocktail. I motioned to the bartender for a beer. They know me here by now. They know what I want. "How have you been?" She said.

"I've been fine. Haven't been doing much at all."

"You seriously need to get your priorities straight." I laughed to myself when she said that last word. "I'm serious, Beck. All I ever hear about you doing is playing in that stupid band of yours and drinking. That isn't a great career choice."

"Says the girl with cameras watching her every move. 'Oh, Jade West is buying shoes, I better show the world!'" I mocked.

"At least I'm doing something with my life. That stupid music you play and that bottle wont ever get you anywhere." I scratched my head and downed the bottle in my hand.

"Feels great to me." I said, rolling my eyes. "I like my music, thank you very much. Believe it or not, some people think I'm a good singer."

"I always thought acting was your thing. Why don't you go look for an acting job?"

"I told you, I don't want to act anymore. I just want to play my music." Rob appreciates my music.

"I just think it's not going to work for you." Rob believes in me.

"Well, I guess, I just don't care what you think." I stood up and threw some money on the counter. "If this is why you called me here, I'm leaving." I started to walk away.

"Fine, Beck." She shook her head when I looked back at her. That was pointless. Everything is pointless when Rob isn't around. I called over a taxi and got in. At least Jade moved on. At least she can show everyone who she is with. She wont get ridiculed for it. She wont be judged. I will. I'll be 'that queer' 'that gay guy' 'the guy that fucks other guys'. I don't want to be known like that. I want people to know me for my music. Not for who I date. It seems like Rob is the only one that believes in anything I ever do. Cat: 'That's stupid.' Jade: 'You're better than that.' Andre: 'That just isn't for you.' Tori: 'I don't think that is right.' Nothing I ever do is right. After all, I'm not straight, I obviously wasn't born right. I hate myself for being gay. I want to be like Andre. I want to be all over girls. But it just isn't me. And, I hate it.

**Continue? :) Review & tell me what you think! Xxo**


	2. Chapter 2

Beck's POV:

_"Who says I can't get stoned?  
><em>_Turn off the lights and the telephone  
><em>_Me and my house alone, who says I can't get stoned?  
><em>_Who says I can't be free? From all of the things that I used to be  
><em>_Re-write my history, who says I can't be free?  
><em>_It's been a long night in New York City  
><em>_It's been a long night in Baton Rouge  
><em>_I don't remember you looking any better  
><em>_But then again I don't remember you  
><em>_Who says I can't get stoned?  
><em>_Call up a girl that I used to know  
><em>_Fake love for an hour or so, who says I can't get stoned?  
><em>_Who says I can't take time?  
><em>_Meet all the girls on the county line then wait on fate to send a sign  
><em>_Who says I can't take time?  
><em>_It's been a long night in New York City  
><em>_It's been a long night in Austin too  
><em>_I don't remember you looking any better But then again I don't remember you  
><em>_Who says I can't get stoned?  
><em>_Plan a trip to Japan alone  
><em>_Doesn't matter if I even go  
><em>_Who says I can't get stoned?  
><em>_It's been a long night in New York City  
><em>_It's been a long time since 20 too  
><em>_I don't remember you looking any better  
><em>_But then again I don't remember you."_

There I go. Another set at the coffee house. Singing another stupid song that nobody cares about. I'm starting to believe that everyone is right. Maybe I'll never get anywhere with my music. Rob says I'm 'letting them get to me'. And he is right. I am. If they don't like my music, nobody will. Andre is my best friend and he thinks I'm being foolish. But, he comes to all my shows with the band anyway because he is a good friend, i guess?And again, like every saturday night after my show we are going out to dinner. All six of us. Tonight we are going to The Purple Lobster. Tonight; another night to sit next to my boyfriend and act like we are nothing but friends.

"So, that last song was actually kinda good, Beck." Cat said, flipping her red hair behind her back.

"Uh, thanks, Cat." I sighed. "Why do you guys even come? Not like you care about it." I shook my head eating.

"Cause we're friends, man!" Andre said. I felt Robs hand slide down my leg and I jumped slightly. When the others weren't looking I shot him a glare.

"Don't you _ever_ do that in public again." I growled in a whisper. "Got it?" He frowned and nodded. I hated being mean to him. But he needs to be more careful. He cant just touch me like that whenever he wants. I looked around and noticed the cameras were returning. They left to get a new battery. I groaned. "Do they have to come everywhere you go, Jade?" She nodded.

"Uh, duh." Cat said. Tori laughed and looked over at me.

"They're like my paparazzi, except they get paid to film them." She said. There she goes. Inflating her ego again. Tori is single. Has been for a while. She's always trying to make herself feel better by talking about how famous she is. Dinner is always like this. I just wanted to go home.

"Look, Rob and I have to go. I'll text you, Dre." I got up and threw money on the table.

"See ya, guys." We left quickly, so they couldn't protest. We got home and I went directly to the fridge to get a beer. Rob gave me a disapproving, worried, look but I ignored it and opened the beer anyway.

"All you ever do is drink and smoke weed..." He said, walking to the couch. "You know that I hate that."

"Mmm, you don't hate it when I'm so drunk and baked that I fuck you senseless, now do you?" I smirked, lighting a joint.

"I hate when you talk like that..." He crossed his arms, leaning back. I leaned over and kissed his neck lightly.

"Shut up." I said, blowing smoke in his face. He glared.

"Don't fucking do that, Dick." He pushed me away from him. "You know, sometimes, you're a real asshole." I laughed, I had no idea why I was being so mean to him.

"Get over it." He started tearing up and looked away from me.

"Oh, stop crying, you faggot." He looked at me quickly and actually started crying.

"You're...you're fucking kidding, right?" He let tears fall down his cheeks. "Believe it or not, act it or not, you're a 'faggot' too!" He stood up and walked off to our bedroom. I sighed, sat down the beer and put out the joint. I walked quickly behind him, nearly falling, and grabbed his arm.

"I-I didn't mean that, babe." I pulled him closer to me. I could see the pain in his eyes. I felt his pain for a minute and then it faded. I felt all of my anger building.

"Get the hell away from me!" He pushed me into the wall and started to walk away. In that moment everything went black. I felt my fist connect with his head and his stomach. I felt myself push him into the closet and my vision slowly returned. I realized what I did when I heard him crying. I started crying then, trying to block out what was happening in the back of my mind. I just hit Rob. I hurt him. I pulled my hair and walked over to him. I felt like I was slipping away from myself. Maybe I did have a drinking problem. I took Rob into my arms, holding his head to my chest.

"I'm sorry, Robbie...I didn't mean it baby." I stroked his hair, kissing his head lightly. "Baby, don't cry. I'm sorry.." I cried harder, sobbing against his curls.

"G-get off of me..." He cried, pushing on me.

"Please, baby, stop. Don't, don't do that." I cried. I knew if I let him go, he would leave me. I didn't know if it would be for good, but he would leave. I pulled his chin up to me. I kissed him hard, knotting a hand in his hair and he pushed my lips away.

"Babe, no. I'm in pain. I wont leave...just go get me some ice?" He knows me so well. He knew thats why I wouldn't let go. I bit my lip and got up quickly to get the ice. When I came back he was sitting up on the bed. He looked up, holding his head.

"Baby, you need to _stop _drinking." He wiped his eyes. I sighed, handing him the ice bag.

"No, I don't. You just need to stop pissing me off."

"Don't blame me, Beck." He begged. "You have a problem." I ran my hands through my hair, watching him hold the ice to his head. I never hurt him before. It was killing me.

"I'm sorry...please, don't hate me."

"I could never hate you." He whispered. "Just cut back on the drinking please?"

"I'll try my best." A few minutes later he laid in bed next to me. I wrapped my arms around him, and kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry, baby." I whispered to him. "I love you. I'll never hurt you again."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I saw his eyes drifting closed and moved his head to my chest and kissed him through his hair. "Goodnight, Robbie." I felt horrible. All I wanted was to lay with him forever. I cried silently to myself. I cried myself to sleep that night.


	3. Chapter 3

Robbie's POV:

I heard Beck's foot steps approaching from the kitchen. His feet were always so deliberate. He always sounded like he was stomping. Lately it has gotten worse. His anger is terrible. I sighed, finishing cooking his breakfast. He is much happier when he has food. As he walked through the door my thoughts went hazy. Should I be a dick to him? Or should I be extra caring and sweet? I chose to be sweet, not wanting another blow to the head. His head tilted as he wiped sleep from his eyes. He yawned and stepped closer to me.

"You cooked?" He said, sleepily.

"Mhm." I said, pouring him a glass of milk. He scrunched up his face in slight disgust.

"Uh-uh." He shook his head. "I'm not drinking that."

"You need some Calcium in your system, baby." I sighed. "You can't just drink alcohol every day."

"I don't want that." He groaned. I growled to myself.

"You need it." I brought his plate and milk to the table in front of the tv and sat down. "Come on, Beck. Eat." He sat down beside me.

"You're not eating?"

"I don't feel well." I let him eat, not saying anymore.

I laughed slightly as he drank the milk I gave him. His face scrunched up again. He hasn't drank anything but alcohol or water in the past few months. I laid my head against his shoulder cautiously, not sure if he would get mad at me. He huffed slightly and I closed my eyes.

"Rob, get off." He said. I moved my head and looked at him. He was thinking, pretty hard. He knew I was going to ask so he stopped me. "I didn't mean to hurt you..."

"It's okay." I said. I got a text and reached across Beck for my phone. He grabbed it before I could.

"Who's David?" He said, opening the text. "And why does he want to hang out..._again?" _He emphasizedthe last word.

"He's just a friend." I said, taking my phone.

"Don't lie to me Rob." He sighed.

"I'm not lying, babe. He's just a friend. You can be friends with Andre, why can't I have a friend?"

"Andre has been my best friend since high school, Rob."

"And? I'm not going to cheat on you! I'm surprised I even got you!" I said standing.

"Yeah, Me too!" He yelled back.

"Woah. Don't you go criticizing me now too. I already have Cat and Tori telling me I'll never get a girlfriend." He laid his head back.

"Well, they're right. You're too gay." I growled.

"We had this discussion last night! You're gay too."

"But, I don't act gay." He got up and walked to the bathroom. I laid down on the couch and buried my head into the cushion. I was so frustrated I had to cry again. My eye was throbbing as I cried harder. I pulled on my hair and held my eyes shut. He was making me want to hate him. Of course that could never happen. I love him too much. I don't care how mean he is to me. I heard the shower start. Bathing was his way to fix everything. His problem was less the alcohol and more that his family fucked him up. His mother never taught him to how to love. And his father never showed him how to stand up like a man. They never set a good example. They never showed their love to each other. And, once they divorced and his father took his younger siblings away from him and his mom, he changed more than I had seen him change before. That day, was the day he drank his very first bottle of alcohol. The day he smoked his first joint. The day he lost his virginity to a girl he thought he loved. The only problem was, he didn't know what love was. He walked around broken. Emotionally frozen. He was always the problem child. And it eventually drove his mother to sending him away. She sent him off to military school. And when he was there, he learned not to hold everything in, and to stand up for himself. But it's hard for him to tell the truth when he's always lied. It's hard for him to hear the truth, when all he knew was a lie. It's hard for him to love someone, without tripping on his parents past. And, I don't blame him. But, if he talked to me more, I could help him. But he doesn't want my help.

**Beck's POV:**

"I was dreamin' of the past  
>And my heart was beating fast<br>I began to lose control  
>I began to lose control<p>

I didn't mean to hurt you  
>I'm sorry that I made you cry<br>Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you  
>I'm just a jealous guy<p>

I was feeling insecure  
>You might not love me anymore<br>I was shivering inside  
>I was shivering inside<p>

Oh, I didn't mean to hurt you  
>I'm sorry that I made you cry<br>Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you  
>I'm just a jealous guy<p>

I didn't mean to hurt you  
>I'm sorry that I made you cry<br>Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you  
>I'm just a jealous guy<p>

I was trying to catch your eyes  
>Thought that you was trying to hide<br>I was swallowing my pain  
>I was swallowing my pain<p>

I didn't mean to hurt you  
>I'm sorry that I made you cry<br>Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you  
>I'm just a jealous guy, watch out<br>I'm just a jealous guy, look out, babe  
>I'm just a jealous guy."<p>

As I finished singing I noticed Rob rubbing his bruised eye. The place was dark, Andre and Jade were there watching. But they hadn't noticed his eye yet. As the lights came up and I walked down to them I heard Jade ask Rob what happened to his eye.

"I punched him." I said, simply. I didn't want her to ask anymore. The old Jade would have laughed. But this new Jade, a Jade I didn't remember, frowned.

"What? Why?" She said, looking at his eye.

"He pissed me off." I growled. "Now I thought we were going to the club?" I rushed.

"We are man, chill." Dre said.

"I'm fine, Jade." He hurried out as I grabbed my guitar and followed. I put my guitar in the trunk of my car and told everyone to get in. I drove down a few blocks to the club we usually went to and parked.

"We about to party it up!" Andre said as we got out.

"Hell yeah!" I smirked and saw Rob frowning. As we went in we made our way straight to the bar. Jade was attached to Andre all night. Rob looked like a lost puppy, not knowing what he should be doing. Andre pointed to a girl next to me.

"Ask to buy her a drink, man." He said. I smirked and walked to her. I knew Rob was going to be upset with me, but what was I supposed to say? "No thanks, dude. I'm gay."? No. I walked to the girls side, sliding my hand down her back.

"Hey, baby."

"Hi." She giggled.

"How would you like me to buy you a drink?" I smirked. She smiled.

"I'd love that." I motioned to the bartender and told him to give her what she wanted. Once she got her drink, I had already downed a few. I moved my hands down her back to her ass, kissing her neck. I could feel Rob's eyes burning into my back. I moved one hand to her face and pulled it up into a kiss. It was probably the worst kiss I ever had. But, I kept kissing her, as she pulled me into a private bathroom. I opened my eyes slightly and saw Andre smirking and Rob looking down. She pulled me in and locked the door. She pushed me into the door, moving her hands down to my belt. I knew I was making a mistake but I couldn't stop now. What would I say. I pretended I was acting. I was playing a part. I wasn't Beck. I wasn't gay. I flipped her so she was under me and after I finished my job I was slighting breathless. It was harder for me to get ready for her than for Rob. I wasn't attracted to her. She smiled, putting her clothes back on. I did the same.

"You know, this was only fun, right?" She said. I sighed in relief.

"Yeah, I know."

As we left the bathroom Andre was silently cheering me on. I looked at Rob and I could tell he was hurt. He was holding it in though. Nobody would be able to tell but me. When we left Rob insisted I shouldn't drive. But I wasn't drunk. I knew I was fine. We dropped Andre and Jade at home. I drove a few blocks in silence and noticed Rob was crying once again.

"Babe, I'm sorry." I ran a hand through my hair. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Not that."

"I didn't enjoy it. You know that."

"Do I?" He wiped his eyes. "Are you sure you're gay, Beck?"

"100%. I couldn't let Andre think that, though. And I couldn't tell her. People know who I am."

"Yeah, cause you're oh so famous." He said in a snarky tone.

"I kind of am."

"Why would you have sex with a girl? Why would you have sex with anyone that isn't me?"

"I told you why. I didn't like it. I didn't. I promise. You know I love you. And don't say you don't."

"I don't know what to think anymore, Beck." He said.

"Here we go again." I said. "Do we ever not fight anymore?" He looked down at his hands.

"Maybe we wouldn't fight so much if we had nothing to hide. If you would just let everyone know.."

"No, no way, Rob."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because! Trust me. You don't want anyone to know we're gay."

"I do." He insisted.

"Oh yeah? Well, if you tell anyone...we're over." I growled and I pulled up to our apartment.

"Fine.."

**A/N: Alright, to this one is longer, I'm very proud of how it turned out. Tell me what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

Cat's POV:

I'm really starting to think Robbie doesn't like me. I thought he did. But al he does is hang out with Beck. And, when I asked him to come over he said no. I've loved Rob since the ninth grade. I have always been invisible to him. I thought about just telling him how I feel and seeing if he really doesn't like me but I'm really scared. I've tried so many times but I always fail. Especially with the cameras always around Jade, Tori, and me. It is kind of annoying, not being able to have a private life. Everything basically has to stay inside my head. Maybe I'll just call him and ask him to meet me somewhere.

"Hey, Robbie." I said after a few rings. "Will you please meet me at the coffee shop?"

He agreed and of course the cameras followed me. The cameras are always rolling. They never want to miss anything. When I got there he was already there waiting. We talked for a while before I decided to bring up the terrifying topic.

"Rob...I like you." I said. "A lot."

Rob's POV:

My hands started shaking as the words escaped her mouth. My jaw was hung open and my heart started racing. I couldn't tell her I don't like her. That would break her heart. I sighed and sat up higher.

"Cat, I'm...I'm gay." I said.

"You're what?" Her eyes widened in shock. "How long have you been gay?" She frowned.

"Since ever." I admitted, running my hand over my face.

"So...do you like have a boyfriend or something?" She asked. I shook my head. "Have you ever had one?" I shook it again. "Then how do you know you're gay?"

**_"_**I just know Cat. You just know those things." I got up quickly and started to walk out. "Just text me." I said and I hurried home to Beck. When I got home Beck was pacing around the living room, clutching his phone. He looked so angry. I leaned against the door.

"Babe? You okay?" I asked.

"No!" He fumed. "Wanna know who just texted me? Andre! And Cat, Tori, Jade, and every fucking other person that knows you!" He pulled on his hair. "I told you not to tell anyone you're gay! Why don't you ever listen to me?" He came closer, throwing his phone onto the couch.

"People will need to know at some point! And I didn't even mention you!" I said.

"I don't give a shit! I told you not to fucking tell!" He yelled in my face.

"Beck...just because you're scared doesn't mean-" He cut off my low calm voice with another scream.

"I'm not scared of anything, Robert!" He punched the door beside my head.

"You are. You just don't want to admit you're gay. But, you're fine when we're in the same bed." I grabbed at his waist. "When we're kissing." I looked into his eyes. "When we make love..."

"Don't. Rob, just stop!" He pulled my hands from his waist and held them against the wall above my head.

"Baby, just please stop doing this to yourself. Just embrace who you are! Don't be embarrassed of loving me!"

"I can't do that Rob!" I could smell the alcohol in his hot breath.

"Please, just calm down, okay?" I wiggled my hands to try to get them away, but failed.

"I can't just calm down. I can't take this. I hate being who I am, Rob!" His eyes started watering. "I hate having to drink so much to make myself feel normal! Everyday it feels like this...this _disease _is getting worse and worse!"

"It isn't a disease, Beck" I whined. "It's just love."

"Let me finish!" He let my hands fall, walking back toward the couch. "If I told people I was gay I wouldn't be anyone anymore. Y'know half of my fans are girls! I'll be a nobody again! Everyone already thinks that I'm going nowhere! I can't be gay, Rob. I just can't take the embarrassment." He whined.

"Well if it embarrasses you to be with me then maybe we should just break up!" I said, crying.

"Maybe we should!" He yelled. And in that moment all of his worries and mine suddenly faded away. Every thought was gone from my mind. His hands were on me. His lips against mine. His hands groping me. His mouth hot on my skin. My hands traveling to every part of his body. I was in a serene state. Almost numb, but in a tingling, good way. All was silent even when he became sweaty from thrusting, when normally he'd be panting and moaning and i'd be screaming into a pillow, we were quiet. We were going to fast for that. Every feeling was blanketed by raw emotion. Our minds swirling. We were aware that in reality, we were meant for each other. And no matter how much he tried to fight it, he loved me. And I love him the same. Our skin was sticking together as we lay breathless on the bed. We would definately need to shower. That is once the throbbing intensity was gone and we were able to stand and walk. In that moment, the moment I wanted to go on forever, everything became clear to me. I understood him. I understood it all. And I wouldn't fight him anymore.

We slowly made our way to the shower. He had me up against the shower wall as the water ran down our bodies and there, he took me again. The ride of my life, this cherishable moment wasn't over. And, I knew he planned it. When I could feel my knees getting weak he held me. When my hair went into my eyes he fixed it. He touched me as if I were a fragile porcelin doll. As if I would break if he made one wrong move. And after our shower, as we were in bed, he whispered to me, his voice rough and dry.

"I love you, Robert. I'm sorry I ever hurt you. You're mine. Forever." He didn't want an answer. And I knew that. I shut my eyes and held onto his hand that was wrapped around me, resting on my chest. I kissed his hand lightly and we drifted off into sleep. The best night of my life? That's every night with the man I love.

_**A/N: I'm happy with this. Read and Review? (: Please put more than "It was good, more please" I want real feedback! xoxo**_


	5. Chapter 5

Cat's POV:

I can not believe Robbie is gay! He never seemed gay. Not to me, at least. I've always loved Robbie. But, I've always been too afraid to do anything about it.

"Do you think Robbie has a boyfriend?" I asked, painting on a glossy coat of pink nail polish.

"Nah, he can't get a girl, much less a guy." Jade laughed, twirling a shiney black pair of scissors in her hand. I giggled and looked at the camera men. There were four of them. Four men that knew everything about us, before the rest of the word. Tori walked in from the kitchen and sat down next to me.

"Be nice, Jade." She sighed. "Can you guys even imagine how he feels?"

"Does he feel pretty?" Jade smirked.

"Now is not the time for that song, Jade." Tori said.

"I'm only being honest!" Her phone started ringing and she answered it quickly. "Hey, Dre." She said. Whenever Andre called, me and Tori disappeared. I continued painting my nails, while the cameras surrounded Jade. Sometimes the camera's were really annoying. And, sometimes I didn't like having to hide things about myself in fear of the world finding out. I just wanted to run away from it all. And who knows? Maybe I will.

Beck's POV:

"Rob?" I said, trying to wake him up. "Get up." I pulled the blanket half way off of him and laid some clothes over him. "I know you hear me. Get dressed. Andre wants to have lunch." I wiped my face and walked to the bathroom. I could hear him getting out of bed. I splashed water in my face and rubbed my temples. I really hoped Andre wouldn't bring up anything about Rob being gay. I don't want to have to explain anything. Rob walked into the bathroom and messed up my hair. I looked back at him and glared.

"I like it better messy." He said, sitting on the end of the tub. I laughed quietly, walking over to him. I kneeled down in front of him.

"Hey." I said.

"Hmm?" He asked.

"Put on your glasses." I said, handing them to him. "I like them more than your contacts." I smiled and got up as he put them on.

"Happy?" He said, walking to me.

"Yeah." I whispered. "Now please, don't talk to much about...-"

"I know, Beck." He cut me off. I raised my eye brows.

"Alright..." There was a loud knock on the door. "I'll get that." When I opened the door it was a package. I brought it to Rob. "Hey, Rob. Did you order anything?" His eyes widened, then he was normal.

"Oh, uh. yeah." He took it from me and brought it to our room. A few minutes later he came back out. I didn't bother asking what it was. We were late. I called a cab and it brought us to the restaurant. Andre was outside waiting and he looked at Rob like he wasn't the same person. I didn't like the way he was staring at him. I balled up my fists, then let them drop. We all walked inside and the first thing Andre said when we sat down was: "So, Robbie, you're gay?" I bit my tongue and looked at Rob.

"Yeah, and? What's the big deal?" Rob said.

"Nothing, I just want to make sure I'm safe." He laughed. I growled slightly then laughed a bit.

"You're not Rob's type." Rob laughed too. He liked that I was making a playful joke about it and not making fun of him.

"And who is?" Andre said in a snarky voice. "You?" He laughed and I faked a laugh too.

"No, Andre. If all we're going to talk about is Rob, then why did you invite us here?"

He didn't quite know what to say. He called for the waitress and asked her for a few drinks. I looked at Rob and then at Andre.

"Rob doesn't drink, Dre. You know that."

"Oh, right. Not even a pina colada? He seems like the type to loooove those." He smirked.

"Okay, that's enough!" I yelled. "Stop it with the gay jokes!" Andre bit his lip and the waitress went to get the drinks. I looked over at Rob and I could tell none of this fazed him. It was me who was reacting. The whole lunch went on like that. I wanted to punch Andre the whole time. And Rob just listened. He was calm. It didn't bother him. When we left all I wanted to do was punch something. When we got into the house Rob didn't let go of my arms. He knew I was angry. He just pulled me to the couch and handed me the remote to the tv. He sat down next to me and put his hand in my lap. I bit my lip and laid my head back. I just wanted to relax. I wrapped my hand into his and held it where it was. I had a head ache. It must have been my anger building up. I felt Rob moving his hand and I flinched. I moaned quietly and told him to stop. He laughed quietly and asked why. I just wanted to relax. I just wanted to think. I felt like I was going to explode.

"Rob, please stop. Can we just go lay down?" He nodded and we went to out room. I noticed him take something from his pocket and put it in the drawer next to him. I waited til he was asleep and climbed over him to see what it was. I opened the drawer and saw a black box. When I opened it my mouth fell open and I shook my head in disbelief. There were two silver bands in the box and card. It said: **_I really hope you and your beaux enjoy these custom made rings. I worked really hard for you to make sure they were absolutely perfect. Your names are inscribed on the inside. You will get the one with his name and vice versa. I hope he is finally brave enough to come out for you. ~Littman Jewelers, Natalia._**

**__**My heart was pounding and I shut the box as quick as I could. I didn't know what to do, what to say, or what to think. All I knew was my Rob...wanted to get married.

**A/N: Please review! Xoxoxoxoxoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

Beck's POV:

I was awake most of the night last night. I felt like was drowning in my own thoughts. My heart was beating unevenly and I felt numb. Rob knows how afraid I am. Whether I would admit it or not, he knows it. He knows how I am. So why, when I'm so afraid of coming out, would he buy us rings? I don't know if I can do this anymore. I love him; more than I've ever loved anyone, but I don't want all of that to be ruined by humiliation. I don't want to hurt him. I just don't want to ruin myself.

When he woke up he came out to the living room where I was sitting on the couch. I knew what I was going to do. But, all I could do was think about the tears and the pain and the struggle. I really want him to be happy.

"Hey." He said, sitting next to me.

"We have to talk." I said immediately. I didn't look at his eyes. I couldn't. That was the main thing I was avoiding. I wiped my forehead and sighed. His face became worried.

"About?"

"Us."

"What about us?" He said. I looked down at his hands. I didn't know what to say. I tried to think quickly, wiping my forehead once again. "What about us, Beck." He said, panicking.

"I don't...want to be with you anymore." I choked out, holding back a flood of tears.

"What?" His voice cracked. "Beck, no. I'm sorry I told people, I'm sorry. Just please don't." He begged.

"I'm sorry, Rob..." I looked down at my hands. "This just isn't for me, anymore."

"Beck...you're throwing away a relationship of almost 4 years." Tears were forming in his eyes. I looked away from him.

"I'm sorry." I said again. He stood up and I saw tears falling from his eyes.

"So, what? You want me to move out?" He looked crushed.

"No. You can stay. I'll move to the other room." I said. He shook his head and wiped his eyes.

"Fuck you. Okay, fuck you!" He cried. "Is this some sort of game to you? First you sleep with sluts at the bar and now you're just breaking up with me? What was I to you?" I couldn't answer him. I looked away and he just stood there. It felt like an eternity of him watching me. He was waiting for an answer, but I didn't have one. I didn't know what to do anymore. I stood up and walked to the fridge. I grabbed a bottle and popped it open as fast as I could. I needed a drink. I needed to forget about everything. I just wanted to black out again. The bottle was empty before Rob had a chance to walk into the kitchen. I grabbed for another one, sliding down the wall. After a few hours and more tears from Rob I was numb. The world was blurry and I didn't know what I was doing. I finally started crying after about an hour of emotionless staring. I was huddled into a corner in the kitchen. I hated that I hurt him. I hated that I wasted 4 years of his life. I hated even more that I loved him and I was too scared to let anyone know. I got up quickly, wiping my eyes and caught a cab to Jade's. I wasn't too drunk to walk. But I was too drunk to drive. Jade let me in and brought me to the couch.

"What is going on?" She said, looking at me.

"I fucked up." I started crying, hard.

"Beck...don't, uh...don't cry." She said, trying to be comforting.

"I hurt him so bad..." I cried harder, pulling on my hair.

"Who?"

"Rob..." I growled. "I broke the kids heart, Jade."

"What the hell are you saying?" She said, eyes widening.

"I broke up with him andhe's been crying forever!" I cried and pulled my hair harder.

"What did you just say?" She slapped my shoulder. "You were..._dating _Robbie? You're gay, too?"

"Oh, fuck!" I yelled, standing up, pacing. I looked up and saw the camera pointed at me. "Turn that fucking thing off!" I yelled, bawling up my fists, attempting to control my anger.

"Beck, what is going on?" Her face was shocked and I was having a mental break down.

"Nevermind." I said, and looked at the camera man again. "Shut it off!" I yelled. He listened. "God dammit!" I said punching the wall and storming out. I was so messed up I barely knew what was going on. All I knew was I just fucked up, big time.

**A/N: Filler. Til the intense stuff happens. :P Review! Xxo**


	7. Chapter 7

Jade's POV:

Oh. My. God.

Beck just...

What did he just say? I feel like I'm breaking down. THAT is why he broke up with me in high school? He was gay? Why would he be gay? He can't be. Not my Beck. Not Beck Oliver. He would never be gay. He...

Alright, so what if he is gay? I mean, if he is happy...

But, he didn't look happy a few minutes ago. He looked so hurt.

I decided to text him. He needed to know what I was thinking.

_**To Beck:** Beck, I wont tell anyone. I promise. I just want you to be happy._

_**To Jade:** Just forget about what I said Jade. _

_**To Beck:** Don't be embarrassed. It's only me. You know you can talk to me about anything._

_**To Jade:** Thanks Jade. I appreciate it. I love you._

_**To Beck:** I love you too._

I deleted my texts then, just in case Andre took my phone. All I want to do now is sleep. I don't want to think.

~3 WEEKS LATER: First episode of the new season of Cat&Jade In The City~

**Cat:** Oh my god! Jade Robbie is gay!

**Jade:** And, that's a surprise to you? ~laughs~

...

**Andre:** Jade, you're such a bitch sometimes. Just shut the -bleep- up!

**Jade:** You know I have just as many feelings as you!

**Andre:** I would have never known.

**Jade:** ~starts crying~ I hate you...

**Andre:** Yeah? Good! ~walks out~

...

**Beck:** I fucked up. ~crying~

**Jade:** Beck...don't, uh...don't cry.

**Beck:** I hurt him so bad...

**Jade:** Who?

**Beck:** Rob... I broke the kids heart, Jade.

**Jade:** What the hell are you saying?

**Beck:** I broke up with him and he's been crying forever! ~pulling his hair~

**Jade:** What did you just say? You were..._dating _Robbie? You're gay, too?

**Beck:** Oh, fuck! Turn that fucking thing off!

**Jade:** Beck, what is going on?

**Beck:** Nevermind. Shut it off! God dammit! ~punches wall~

**~Episode ends with Jade sitting on the couch, thinking, staring into space~**

"Oh my god." I said. "I told them not to put that in!" I screamed.

"Beck is gay too?" Cat said.

"Shut up!" I said, and before I could call him, Beck was calling me. I answered it and before I could say anything I was being screamed at.

"What the fuck, Jade? You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone! Your little fucking reality show just ruined my life! I can't believe you would do this to me! You're such a bitch! You know that? You spent all of our relationship torturing me and now you feel the need to out me on television? You sick, narcissistic, good for nothing whore! I'm done with you, Jade. Don't you EVER call me again!" And the line went dead. I was in tears half way through. My heart felt like it was falling into my stomach. I felt sick. He didn't understand at all. I called back. I called back 16 times and he never answered. I never told them to put that in. I can't believe this stupid TV show ruined my friendship with Beck. I cried harder. And harder. And harder. And Cat tried to make me feel better. She had never seen me like that before and I knew she was upset by it. She slept in my bed with me that night.

I hugged her and cried on her shoulder until I fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Robbie's POV:

Beck and I have been in the same house together for weeks and still haven't spoke to each other once. He was drunk out of his mind last night after watching In The City...

I wish I could help him...but he wont even look at me.

I want him back.

I want to hold him again.

I want to sleep in his bed again.

I want him to love me right.

I want him to be the old Beck again.

The beck I knew in highschool.

The Beck that would sneak out at night just to come over to my house and sleep with me.

The Beck that risked getting caught by the other guys by kissing me in the locker room.

The Beck that had a heart.

The Beck that never took no for an answer.

The Beck that wasn't broken.

I don't know if I'll ever get that Beck back. I don't know if I'll ever get him back at all. Our future used to seem so bright...then it all turned out so evil. And, I don't know why I'm surprised. Beck has been drinking since highschool. Since me. He's hungover. He's been throwing up and whining all morning. Last night was crazy and today it's really setting in on him. He deserves it for getting so crazy. He came out of the bathroom after being in there for hours and sat on the couch, holding his head.

"My life fuckin' sucks." He muttered.

"It's nobody's fault but yours, Beck." I groaned, sitting on the other side of the couch.

"Shut up." He said, laying his head down.

"Can we talk?" I asked moving a bit closer to him.

"No we can't talk. I don't want to talk to you. This is all your fault."

"What exactly is MY fault?" I stood up.

"You made me this way. YOU made me into a freak." He whined.

"Beck...you were born gay, I didn't make you gay. You're not a freak. We are not freaks. We are just like everybody else." I said.

"Wanna know how many blogs are talking about me? How many voicemails I have? I'm on TMZ! I'm barely known here, but because Tori is on In The City everybody watches the damn thing! TMZ is talking about me, Rob!"

"And what the hell are they saying? Are they making fun of you? Are they calling you a _fag? _Or a _queer? _What about _butt-boy?_ Have you heard those yet?" I yelled.

"No..." He answered reluctantly.

"Exactly! Nobody is making fun of you because you're Beck Oliver! You're a tall, sexy, manly guy! Nobody WILL make fun of you! But, me...now that's another story. I'm the freak Beck...not you. Please, just understand that." I said slowly.

"Remember...remember when my mom used to make me go to church?" Tears started to flow from his eyes. "She told me...you better never end up gay! Being gay is a sin, Beckett! And so I asked her...mom, what would you do if I was gay? And she told me..I wouldn't speak to you. And you would go to hell. I never wanted my mom to hate me...she's all I have left Rob...you know my dad took my brothers and sister. You know how much they fucked me up! But I love my mom...and you wanna hear the voicemail I go today?" I shook my head. "Yeah, me either. So I deleted it. She was all I had Rob...and now she hates me."

"You have me..." I started to cry. "I've been here since the beginning, Beck. I'm right here." I sighed. "You're not alone in this."

"Your parents know you're gay. You have your parents."

"You have my parents too! My parents love you. And...Beck...god dammit! They could have been your 'parents'." I wiped my eyes. "Before...you broke up with me, I was going to ask you to marry me." I said, trying not to cry. "The one thing I've ever wanted since highschool, I was gonna do it. And then...you left me." I let a few tears fall and took a deep breath. "You promised me in 12th grade...you remember what you promised me?" He nodded. "What was it?"

"That I'd never let you go." He said, looking away.

"And what did I promise you?" I cried harder.

"That we'd get married one day." He lifted his head to stop himself from crying again.

"All I have ever wanted...was to marry you. To be with you forever. And I still want that." I cried. "Why did you leave me alone, Beck? You promised you'd never let go." I sat back down next to him.

"I'm still holding on Rob." He said looking at me.

"Then marry me." I took the rings out of my pocket. "Just say yes. And everything can be back to normal. Everything will be okay."

"No, Rob."

"I know you're scared-"

"I'm not scared."

"Then say yes. We can do this together." I lifted his ring a little higher, slipping mine on my hand. "Please..." I begged. "One word, say it, please."

"Yes..." He said hessitantly taking the ring and putting it on.

"Really?" He nodded. I sighed, and tried to stop myself from crying.

"Rob, no, don't, no, don't do that, stop." He said, rubbing my back. I looked up and wiped my eyes.

"Kiss me. Now." I demanded. He hesitated for what seemed like a century. But then he kissed me, hard on the lips. And I kissed back. And he knotted his hands in my hair. And he touched me again, like he used to. And, we were engaged.

"And tomorrow," I said, when he broke the kiss. "We take on the world."

I smiled and he did too. That's one thing I really missed.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: I REALLY NEED TO UPDATE SOOOOO, HERE IS THE FIRST PART OF THE NEXT CHAPTER. WE CAN JUST CALL IT THE NEXT CHAPTER AND THE SECOND PART WILL JUST BE CONCIDERED ANOTHER CHAPTER! I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED, I'VE BEEN SO BUSY. REVIEW PLEASE! In depth? :) Thank you. ~KK.**_

Beck's POV:

Rob and I just got back together last night and already he has agreed to have dinner with all of our friends. I think he is crazy. There is seriously something wrong with him. I still haven't talked to Andre about it. What if he hates me and makes jokes like he did to Rob? I wont be able to handle that. He's my best friend. Rob just got out of the shower. He just walked in the room. I smile and mutter a hello and he dries himself off. I bite my lip. I haven't seen him naked in a long time and it was a sight to be seen, in my opinion.

"Have you been working out?" I ask, choking on my pride.

"You just noticed? I'm not home every morning when you wake up. Where did you think I have been?" He laughs.

"I don't know..." I twirl the ring around my finger.

"Hey." He says, holding the towel around his waist and taking my chin. "I love you." He insists, holding back his smile.

"Yeah, I know man." I reply, dryly. I knew that I was going to be rude to him. I guess that's all I really know how to do right now. He pulls out my clothes first and gives them to me.

"Wear this." He orders.

"I don't like this. Too..." I begin.

"Too what?"

"Too...flashy. Can't I just wear black?" I felt uncomfortable with most of Rob's outfit choices for me. He looks great in pastel like colors. I on the other hand love black and I refuse to wear this green shirt.

"Fine." He took the shirt from me and gave me a black one.

"Where are we even going?"

"Out." He answered plainly.

"Thanks asshole." I growled. He sighed, pulling on his pants.

"I don't know Beck! I don't know everything. All I know is that it is some place nice so at least wear your god damn tie!" He threw a white tie at me in anger.

"Calm down, Robert, I didn't do anything." I said. "And since when do you get mad at me and throw things at **_me_**?" I stood up fuming.

"Just get dressed." He wiped his face and put on his thick rimmed glasses. I loved those on him.

...


	10. Chapter 10

"Whatever." I groaned, and got dressed. I just wanted this night to be over. I saw Rob glance at me and try to hide his smile.

"You messed up your tie again." He walked over to me and fixed it, biting his lip.

"Sorry." I said in a sarcastic whisper.

"It's okay." He whispered back, taking my hand. "Are you ready to leave?" He asked.

"Mhmm, but one more thing." I let go of his hand and pulled his face up to mine and kissed him. He smiled as he pulled away.

"Beck, I know it's not easy. But you'll be okay." He promised leaning his forehead against mine.

"What is the worst part?" I asked, closing my eyes.

"Giving up your heart." He said. "Once you do that, the rest doesn't even matter."

"I think I've already done that." I asked.

"Then I guess we will see what happens." He looked up and handed me my phone and wallet. I bit my lip and led us out the door. My heart was pounding. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I just hope Andre can accept me. As we walked outside a wave of new york air hit me straight in the face. It felt like I hadn't been outside of my apartment in forever. I took a deep breath and let go of Rob's hand. He gave me an upset look, but I wasn't ready to publicly display anything.

Andre's POV:

"I don't want to see him!" I yelled at Jade.

"He is your best friend Andre! Even if he is gay, he is still the same person! The same person he has been since we graduated high school! He is still Beck. You never noticed he was gay when he was hiding it so what's the big deal?" Jade was fuming.

"He screws guys, Jade!" I hit the table.

"Look, if you were really his best friend you wouldn't care what he loved." She shook her head. "He is in love with Robbie. So much that he came to me, his ex-girlfriend when he hurt him. It's love! Just like you love me..." She frowned.

"But you're a girl baby. I love you because you are a sexy, talented, beautiful woman...Robbie is NOT a girl. Sure, he acts like one, but he sure as hell is not sexy."

"He is to Beck!" She whined. "Please come with me. Please."

"No, Jade. You go, I'm staying here."

"Fine. But when your best friends' heart is broken, I'll tell him that you're not worth the heart break." She bit her lip. "Screw you." She walked out the door and slammed it as hard as she could. No, there was no way I was going to see him.

Beck's POV:

As Rob and I walked into the restaurant there was only one person missing. The person I cared about the most. I felt tears coming on but tried to stop them, turning to Rob quickly.

"Please don't let me cry in public.." I whispered into his neck.

"I wont." He promised.

As we walked up I saw the girls they all smiled at us. I sat down as quickly as I could wanting to forget that Andre wasn't there.

"Hey, Beck." Tori said, handing me a menu. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Tori. Thanks." I said, opening it.

"Hi, Robbie..." Cat said.

"Hi, Cat." He replied.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked.

"I could never stay mad at you." He said, smiling at her. Jade looked at me from across the large booth.

"Why isn't Andre here?" I asked, sighing.

"That doesn't matter, Beck." She said.

"It matters to me." I said. My voice cracked slightly and I leaned my head back. Rob took my hand under the table and squeezed it, letting me know he was here for me. I smiled slightly and bit my lip.

"He...didn't want to come." Tori said quietly.

"Tori!" Jade snapped, hitting her arm.

"I'm sorry! He deserved to know!" Tori defended. I looked away from them.

"Babe, don't cry..." Rob whispered in my ear. I looked down and wiped my eyes. I felt like I just lost half of my heart. I was breaking.

"I'm sorry, I have to go." I got up out of the booth, wiping my eyes again. Rob started to follow me then. "Rob, please stay here. I just need to be alone." He sat back down, biting his lips.

"Okay..." He said. I ran out of the restaurant. The streets were all a blur. The lights all fused together and I could barely see through my tears. But I knew where I was going. I ran across the street. I didn't care if I got hit. Nothing mattered anymore. All I could think about was loosing my best friend. I ran across what seemed like a thousand streets and went directly to Jade and Andre's apartment. I knocked on the door for what seemed like forever. but he wasn't answering.

"Andre! Answer the door!" I yelled, wiping my eyes again. "I know you're in there!" I banged on the door again. Finally the door swung open.

"What?" I he yelled. "What do _you _want?"

"I wanted to see my best friend." I sighed. "Why didn't you come see me?"

"We're not friends, Beck." He laughed. "I'm not going to be friends with a fucking faggot." I started crying harder than ever then. I tried to hold it in but I couldn't.

"Andre, please don't fucking do this to me! I'm still the same person!"

"Yeah? Well I don't want to have to worry about my best friend trying to screw me, too." He growled.

"I love Rob. I'm not even attracted to you." I said. "Please, just don't do this to me." I begged, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Oh stop crying you little girl. It's done. Just go home and watch some gay porn, you'll be okay." I punched the wall next to his door.

"Ugh! Fuck you!" I ran out, pulling on my hair. I couldn't believe that a person I cared about so much would shut me out like that. I already lost my mom. I couldn't take loosing him. I caught the first cab I could find back to my apartment. I just wanted to sleep. To make all of this pain go away. I needed a beer. I got inside and went to the kitchen. After 10 minutes I had three empty bottles on the counter. It felt like the world was crumbling under my feet. I took the bottle in my hand and slammed it on the side of the sink. The glass shattered over the kitchen. I picked up a shard of glass and ran it across my wrist as hard as I could, multiple times. And, the cuts got deeper. The blood was dripping out fast and I was light headed. I walked to the living room and grabbed a pen and notepad and started writing. The blood started dripping onto the page.

~Rob, I'm sorry it had to be this way. It's not enough to say I'm sorry for this and everything I have put you through. Maybe I'm to blame for all of this. Or maybe everyone else is. Either way I can't breathe here anymore. All I can say is goodbye. We're better off this way. I can't feel anything anymore. I can't take all of this. I hate myself for doing this to you. But my mind is already made up. I love you, Rob. Don't you ever forget that. And don't you ever take that ring off of my finger. I love you so much. I just want the pain to go away. This is NOT your fault. Please stay strong for me, even though I couldn't for you.

I'll always love you, Beck.~

I brought the note to our bedroom and layed in bed. I grabbed my sleeping pills and took as many of them as I could fit in my hand and closed my eyes to leave.


	11. Chapter 11

**Rob's POV:**

I walked into mine and Beck's apartment really worried about him. I called him a million times and he didn't answer.

"Beck?" I called from the door. I looked into the kitchen and saw there were shards of glass everywhere. My heart started beating faster. "BECK?" I called again. I walked over to the bedroom and saw him laying bed. I didn't notice until I got closer that he was bleeding. "Oh my god, Beck!" I started to cry, checking his pulse. He was still alive, but not by much. I took off my jacket and held it against his wrist. I took his cell phone and called 911 as fast i could barely able to see the keys. "Common, Beck, don't do this to me.." I cried. The police answered and I asked for an ambulance. I tried to wake him up but to no avail. "Please, Beck." I looked to the left on the table and saw his note. I suddenly got so mad. How could he do this to me? I could hear the silence in the distance. They better hurry. God, they better hurry.

And in that moment, for the first time in a long time, I prayed for God to save him for me.

I prayed for hours at the hospital.

In fact, I prayed for months.

Because Beck was in a coma.

As Stephen King said: "Hope is a good thing - maybe the best thing, and no good thing ever dies."

My hope that Beck would live would never die. I sat by his bed side for a period of 6 months. The doctors told me that based on how much medicine was in his system that if he wakes up he will be alright. I hoped that were right. In most cases, when a person overdoses on sleeping pills they will go into a coma, wake up, and eventually (due to long term problems) die. Apparently he could have acute amnesia. But, according to the doctor, Beck wont have any other problems when he wakes up.

If he wakes up.

If he wakes up...

That thought kept echoing through my mind. Every single day. I never left his side. Only to shower. Jade, Cat, and Tori have been coming around a lot. Andre hasn't came by once. Not once. It's the one hundred eighty second day I'm in the hospital with Beck. Jade just walked in to see him. She has been a wreck. Just like me.

"When does the doctor think he will wake up?" She asked.

"They don't know." I said, stroking his hand. "I hate seeing him like this. All broken and handicapped. I'm used to him being the strong one. The one that could get us through anything. You know...in high school I would come over crying because people were making fun of me and he just...always knew how to calm me down and make everything okay. Y'know? I can't loose him. If loose him I'll loose myself, Jade." I brushed his hair back with my fingers. "They say that...when people are in a coma they can hear everything...imagine that. That must be torture." I said.

"Yeah..." She agreed.

"It's been so long since I've heard his voice...I miss it. I just want to hear him talk again."

"He will." She promised.

"I hope so." I whined, laying my forehead on his arm.

**Beck's POV:**

I can hear Rob talking. I can hear the doctors. I can hear Jade and Cat and Tori. But, not once have I heard my so-called best friend. I failed. I should have died but I failed. Now I'm putting my fiance through hell. He cries every night. Actually, he cries every time he is alone with me. I can hear all of that. I just wish that I could tell him that everything will be okay...

**Robbie's POV:**

Jade and I are sitting by Beck's side. We are trying to make the most of our situation. We're joking around, laughing. She's telling me stories about Beck that I never knew and I'm telling her some that she never knew. I looked over at Beck, running my thumb across the hand I'm holding. I saw a smile cross his lips. He was smiling.

"Jade...do you see that?" I asked.

"Yeah..." She said looking at him. "He must be waking up." She encouraged. But, I didn't get my hopes up yet. "He likes the sound of your laugh. He's probably heard nothing but your crying lately." I leaned closer to Beck and fixed his hair.

"Babe, please, if you can hear me...try to come back." I begged, trying not to cry again. I knew he was trying. I just knew it.

**Beck's POV:**

I thought that if I tried hard enough I could wake myself up. I had to wake up for Rob. I've been trying. I feel my life slowly coming back to me. The light is fading. You know, It's true, what they say about the light. There is a light. And since I've been in this near death state I have been trying with everything in me to stay far, far away from it. I wanted to die. Initially. But now, now that I see how it is effecting everyone that I love...I don't wanna die. I can't die. The light is fading faster as this realization is clicking in my mind. I can feel Rob's head laying on my hands and my eyes slowly blink open.


	12. Chapter 12

Something must have gone wrong in Beck's brain as he woke up. Rob and the others could tell based on his reactions that he knew what was going on. But, when Beck woke up he couldn't remember what happened. Most importantly, he didn't remember Rob. All he could remember was dating Jade and being with Jade. He couldn't remember anyone else.

_**Robbie's POV:**_

I looked up when I heard Jade gasp and I saw Beck's eyes open. My heart stopped for a few seconds. I didn't want to rush him into anything. I ran my fingers across his hand.

"Hey, Beck..." I whispered. His eyes wandered around the room. He looked at Jade.

"Jade..." He said. "What's going on, babe..." He said, only slightly looking at her.

"Uh..." She began.

"Beck, baby, what's wrong? How are you feeling?" I said quietly. He looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"Who are you...?" He asked. He looked like he felt bad for not knowing.

"I'm...Beck, what do you mean who am I?" I choked out. "You, you know who I am. I'm your boyfriend."

"No..." He began. "I'm not gay." His voice as weak, barely there. "Jade is my girlfriend.." My heart started pounding and I hit the button for the doctor. When the doctor came in he told me that he couldn't do anything to help Beck remember me. And that it is best for me not to push him into it. What was I supposed to do? Just let my fiance think that he was dating his ex-girlfriend? Let him believe that he wasn't gay? Let him have to go through the trauma of finding himself again all alone? No. I was going to help him through that.

Beck got into the cab with me the day after that as Jade drove home. He didn't understand why he didn't live with Jade. He didn't understand why he couldn't leave with her.

When we got to our apartment he looked around for a while. He found our room and walked in, slowly.

"You found our room." I said, sliding my hand around his waist. He jumped and pushed my hand away.

"Sorry..." I whispered. His eyes wandered around the room. "I guess, uhm, I'll sleep in the other room tonight." I looked away from him. All I've wanted to do since he woke up was kiss him. And I couldn't do that. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't hug him. He really didn't love me anymore. Or, he thought he never did. He sat on the edge of the bed and I sat next to him.

"You wanna know how we became a couple?" He nodded. "Well, you were dating Jade. And, you swore you were in love with her. But, you told me that after you had sex with her...it just didn't feel right. So, you broke up with her. Three days after that. And you felt really bad about it. You were upset because you couldn't give her a reason. And you were really upset that night so I came over to comfort you. Now, I knew I was gay. And I liked you, big time. So we were talking and I said I wanted to try something. And, I kissed you. And you pushed me away. Started yelling at me that you weren't gay and I needed to leave. But...I don't know I guess I didn't want it to end. So I kissed you again. And, apparently you didn't either. Because that was the night you and I had sex. We dated, without letting anyone know. We never let anyone know we were gay. You were afraid. You said people would make fun of us. And, you were right. Because months ago I came out...and I was getting picked on but I didn't care. But then right before you went into a coma you came out. And your best friend shut you out. Andre, your best friend, didn't want to talk to you anymore..." I trailed off.

"Is that why I tried to kill myself?" He asked.

"Yeah..." I said, barely above a whisper.

"How long have you and I been...dating?" He choked out.

"Six years. Our anniversary was 2 months ago. October 31st. You missed it." I laughed slightly.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you..." He said, eyes welling up.

"Don't be." I layed my hand on his leg and looked at him. He looked at me and sighed.

"Where is my mom?" He asked.

"She still lives in California. We're going to go visit in a couple weeks. We have a lot to talk to her about. She knows you were in a coma but, you know she's afraid to fly. Oh, and this may make you happy...your parents got back together. Your brothers and sister and him live with her now. Isn't that great?"

"Wow..." He smiled to himself. "Yeah..." I looked up at him and he looked down at me.

"Can I please just kiss you?" I said, not looking in his eyes.

"Promise I'll like it?" He said.

"I promise." I whispered. He nodded and I knotted my hand in his hair and pulled his lips to mine. I kissed him harder as I was meeting resistance and he fought back with the same intensity. He pushed against my chest, laying me back on the bed and smirked into the kiss. I bit his lip and smiled as he pulled away. "How was that?" I managed to choke out. He smiled at me and kept his hand on my chest.

"I think I liked that." I nodded and watched him as he twirled his ring around his finger. "So...you and I are getting married?" His lips were melted into a frown.

"I guess not." I said. In that moment a realization struck me. If Beck couldn't remember that he loved me or couldn't fall in love with me again...we wouldn't get married.

"I'm trying my best." He swore.

"I know." I said. "But, you remember me soon..." Beck and I haven't been intimate for months and my body is aching for him. "Goodnight." I said, leaving quickly to my room to take care of the new problem I had on my hands. He gets me hard without even trying. This is going to be hell.


End file.
